I've been going to a support group, which has given me another outlet for the grief, which may explain why I haven't put anything here for a while. For now, here's an emotional update.
I think I've sighted acceptance a couple of times, but it's like one of those things you think you see out of the corner of your eye, but when you focus on it, it's not really there.
Anger, it turns out, I've directed at myself. I spend time going over the things I think I should have done better. What makes me feel better is realizing Deb would often apologize to me for what she considered her bad temper and I'd have to tell her I never even noticed. She, I know, would do the same for me.
Depression comes and goes, like Jehovah's Witnesses.
Denial and bargaining are long gone.
Also, my sister sent me pictures of the headstone from mine and Deb's gravesite. While it's what I wanted, it's just plain strange to see your name on a gravestone, with the blank date waiting for you like a reservation at a restaurant.
Oh well. I was about due for a midlife crisis anyway.
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