I don't care who heard

I was on lap 12 on my bike today when "You and Me" by Lifehouse came on my MP3 player.

I stopped the bike at the bottom of the hill, where the river runs, and started singing.

What day is it, and in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up, and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

The song was popular when Deb was sick the last time, and despite my denial and hopes that she was going to get better, when I heard this song I realized that there could be only a short time left, and it made me try to appreciate every moment we had.

Cause it's you and me, and all other people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me, and all other people
And I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

I told her this song reminded me of her because it really was how I felt when I looked at her. She would enter my line of sight, and she was all I could look at. Sometimes she'd look at me and ask what I was doing. I'd tell her I was just checking out my girl. She would say that she loved the way I looked at her because it made her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. I told her that's because she was.

What are things that I want to say, just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words, you've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

I started singing louder. I didn't care if anyone was around. I was singing to the river, the sky, the face in my mind.

Cause it's you and me and all other people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

I think she only heard the song once. When it was on the radio all the time, she wasn't driving a lot because she was sick and she wasn't working. I remember we were on our way to a doctor's appointment and it came on. I told her this was the song that made me think of her. She listened and said noncommittally, "That's nice."

There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

What can I say? She had different musical tastes than me. Doesn't change what I think about the song. Besides, it gave us stuff to argue about.

Cause it's you and me and all other people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all other people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

As I was pulling into the funeral home to deliver the clothes for Deb's funeral service, this song came on the radio. Ever since then, when I hear it, I think it's her, telling me she's thinking of me.

What day is it, and in what month
This clock never seemed so alive

New Year's Eve

At midnight I was on the porch with a picture of Deb and a glass of wine.

I promised her again that I would be OK and keep an open mind about falling in love again.

When the new year began, I gave her picture a kiss.

I'm writing this just in case anyone was afraid I didn't have anyone to kiss at midnight. Of course I did.

I had her.